November 5, 2016
Combating Emotional Vampires
Combating Emotional Vampires
by Judith Orloff For more information visit:
The following is an excerpt from the "Combating Emotional Vampires" on-line course. If you would like to enroll in the course, click here.
Relationships are always an energy exchange. To stay feeling our best, we must ask ourselves: Who gives us energy? Who saps it? It's important to be surrounded by supportive, heart-centered people who make us feel safe and secure. It's equally important to pinpoint the emotional vampires, who, whether they intend to or not, leech our energy.
To protect your sensitivity, it's imperative to name and combat these emotional vampires. They're everywhere: coworkers, neighbors, family, and friends. In Energy Psychiatry I've treated a revolving door of patients who've been hard-hit by drainers--truly a mental health epidemic that conventional medicine doesn't see. I'm horrified by how many of these "emotionally walking wounded" (ordinarily perceptive, intelligent individuals) have become resigned to chronic anxiety or depression. Why the blind spot? Most of us haven't been educated about draining people or how to emancipate ourselves from their clutches, requisite social skills for everyone desiring freedom. Emotional draining is a touchy subject. We don't know how to tactfully address our needs without alienating others. The result: We get tongue-tied, or destructively passive. We ignore the SOS from our gut that screams, "Beware!" Or, quaking in our boots, we're so afraid of the faux pas of appearing "impolite" that we become martyrs in lieu of being respectfully assertive. We don't speak out because we don't want to be seen as "difficult" or uncaring.
Vampires do more than drain our physical energy. The super-malignant ones can make you believe you're an unworthy, unlovable wretch who doesn't deserve better. The subtler species inflict damage that's more of a slow burn. Smaller digs here and there can make you feel bad about yourself such as, "Dear, I see you've put on a few pounds" or "It's not lady-like to interrupt." In a flash, they've zapped you by prodding areas of shaky self-worth.
This is my credo for vampires: Their antics are unacceptable; you must develop a successful plan for coping with them. I deeply believe in the merciful message of The Lord's Prayer to "forgive people their trespasses," but I'm also a proponent of preventing the unconscious or mean-spirited from trespassing against us. Taking a stand against draining people is a form of self-care and canny communication that you must practice to give your freedom legs.
What turns someone into an emotional vampire? First, a psychological reason: children often reflexively mimic their parents' most unflattering traits. A self-absorbed father can turn you into a self-absorbed son. Early modeling has impact. Studies of Holocaust survivors reveal that many became abusive parents themselves. The second explanation involves subtle energy. I've observed that childhood trauma--mistreatment, loss, parental alcoholism, illness--can weaken a person's energy field. This energy leakage may condition those with such early wounds to draw on the vitality of others to compensate; it's not something most are aware of. Nevertheless, the effects can be extreme. Visualize an octopus-like tendril extending from their energy field and glomming onto yours. Your intuition may register this as sadness, anger, fatigue, or a cloying, squirrelly feeling. The degree of mood change or physical reaction may vary. A vampire's effects can stun like a sonic blast or make you slowly wilt. But it's the rare drainer that sets out to purposely enervate you. The majority act unconsciously, oblivious to being an emotional drain.
Let me tell you the secret of how a vampire operates so you can outsmart one. A vampire goes in for the kill by stirring up your emotions. Pushing your buttons throws you off center, which renders you easier to drain. Of all the emotional types, empaths are often the most devastated. However, certain emotional states increase everyone's vulnerability. I myself am most susceptible to emotional vampires when I feel desperate, tired, or disempowered.
Here are some others:
Low self-esteem
Depression
A victim mentality
Fear of asserting yourself
Addiction to people-pleasing
When encountering emotional vampires, see what you can learn too. It's your choice. You can simply feel tortured, resentful, and impotent. Or, as I try to do, ask yourself, "How can this interchange help me grow?" Every nanosecond of life, good, bad, or indifferent, is a chance to become emotionally freer, enlarge the heart. If we're to have any hope of breaking war-mongering patterns, we must each play a part. As freedom fighters, strive to view vampires as opportunities to enlist your highest self and not be a sucker for negativity. Then you'll leave smelling like a rose, even with Major-League Draculas.
Exercise 1: Determine If You Have an Emotional Vampire in Your Life
Anyone who has ever shared an office, car pool, or attended a family dinner with a vampire can attest to experiencing some common emotional side effects. Even after a brief contact, you feel worse; they feel better. To find out if you've been bled, watch for these signs.
Your eyelids get heavy--you're ready for a nap
You feel put down or like the rug was pulled out from under you
Your mood takes a nose-dive
You have a yen to binge on carbs or comfort food
You feel sniped at, slimed, or agitated
In addition, sometimes intuitive flashes and dreams can raise a red flag. Pay attention. For instance, following a dinner I attended where the guests had something negative to say about everything, I dreamed I was bombarded by a storm of leeches. Similarly, after a critical friend skewered one of my patients, she felt as if she'd fallen to the bottom of a well. Another patient dreamed that a pigeon pooped on her head--splat, there it was: her reaction to a nasty altercation with her apartment's superintendent. Whether you're awake or asleep, notice telling imagery that conveys emotion. This will help you identify a vampire.
Take an inventory of the people in your life who are potential drainers. Below is a chart outlining the signs of being sapped by an emotional vampire. List all your key family members, friends and co-workers in the left hand column and check off if any of them have an adverse affect on you when in their company or on the phone. Experiencing even one of these effects indicates that person is a drainer on the prowl.
-Your eyelids get heavy
-You feel put down
-Mood takes a nose-dive
-Want to binge on carbs or comfort food
-You feel sniped at, slimed or agitated
-Have intuitive flashes or dreams
Exercise 2: Take Time To Be With A Positive Person
Plan at least one complete afternoon with people who give off positive energy and avoid the drainers. Notice how this beneficially affects your physical and emotional well-being.
> Combating Emotional Vampires
Email Print Save Discuss
Master the Path of the Peaceful Warrior
by Dan Millman
Here is the course, and now is the time, to stretch your soul and strengthen your spirit with international bestselling author, and master coach, Dan Millman! Most of our lives are spent, in one form or another, in the pursuit of happiness. And we find it, too, in temporary forms - a new experience, relationship, purchase. Yet a lasting sense of fulfillment and satisfaction may continue to elude us as we learn what doesn't make us happy. Still, the dreams persist: "If only I'd gotten a college (or graduate) degree ... if only I had a soul-mate, or a better relationship (or career) ... if only I'd had children ... if only I hadn't had children ... if only I made more money or had a nicer home ... if only I traveled more ... " But even if we get those things, we continue to search. Join Dan in the most complete course in personal development you are likely to encounter, embracing every facet of personal growth. In the words of Henry David Thoreau, If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost. Now put foundations under them. The time is now. The Path is open. Your destiny awaits!
1. 21 Day Yoga Shred
2. Reinventing The Body, Resurrecting the Soul
3. 8 Week Whole Body Makeover!
4. Break the Grip of Past Lovers
5. Release Yourself from Family Karma
6. A Year to Clear What is Holding You Back!
7. Be Free from Unhealthy Relationships
8. Overcoming Self-Sabotage
9. Unleash the Power of Badass Habits
10. Find True Love in 27 Days
Aquarius - You may feel particularly relaxed and tranquil today. Your recent endeavors may be resolving themselves, or you may simply be... more
Aries - Your focus is likely fixed squarely on those details related to your quest to realize your ambitions today. You may feel prod... more
Cancer - You may be particularly attentive to the needs of your loved ones today as you see how they are intertwined with your own. Be... more
Capricorn - A gregarious mood can prompt you to take part in group projects, hit the town, or join a discussion group today. Even if your... more
Gemini - You may find yourself intrigued by life's mysteries and strongly driven to explore the forces that have shaped your own exist... more
Leo - A desire to turn the whole of your attention to your domestic and work projects may come over you suddenly today, prompting y... more
Libra - Your susceptibility to emotional situations may be intense today, and you may thus find even simple forms of interpersonal in... more
Pisces - Your attention may be focused on attaining your most precious dreams today. You may feel particularly goal-oriented and hopef... more
Sagittarius - Your savvy ability to juggle complex tasks at home and at work may surprise you today. Even if you are called upon to address... more
Scorpio - A sense of restlessness may come over you today if you allow yourself to become bored or distracted from your endeavors. Perh... more
Taurus - You may feel particularly avant-garde today and ready to challenge the precepts of your society, culture, and inner circle. E... more
Virgo - You may be drawn to the outdoors today and eager to participate in activities that require you to exert yourself physically. ... more
Subscribe | Change Email | User Settings | Unsubscribe | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer | Help/FAQ
Make DailyOM Your Homepage | Link To Us | Publish DailyOM On Your Website
© 2004-2016 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved
No portion of this site can be reprinted without express permission
Artwork by Wang Chang-Ming
No comments:
Post a Comment