DailyOM: How is emotional addiction different from other addictions?
Leah: Emotional addiction has a lot of similarities to other addictions in that we have a go-to to deal with life's difficulties. The main difference is that we become attached to certain feelings to cope or to confirm different fears or insecurities that we carry. I'll note, many of the other addictions that are essentially coping strategies and self-sabotaging behaviors are most often a result of our emotional addictions.
In essence, emotional addiction is usually triggered by a pain response that, although we cognitively do not want to experience, we become so accustomed to feeling that we crave it as an unhealthy strategy in our effort to deal with the world. These experiences also confirm certain negative beliefs we have about our sense of self.
DailyOM: What are some examples of emotional addiction that you help students with in this course?
Leah: Oftentimes we become addicted to pain. I realize that being dependent on pain sounds counterintuitive, as most of us want to be happy and healthy. But when we've established negative beliefs about ourselves (or the world) at younger ages in an effort to defend or protect the parts that were wounded, we continue a pattern of beliefs and behaviors that perpetuates our negative beliefs about self, or our lives.
These can be something like "I'm not good enough" or simply feeling like we're waiting for the other shoe to drop or thinking "I'm not loveable," and those stem from past experiences when we were neglected, bullied, shamed, or made to feel inferior.
The baseline that was formed is very powerful and becomes part of our emotional and energetic imprint that establishes itself as a perceived truth in our whole-body systems. Even when we want something different for ourselves, the negative beliefs or painful memories create a repetitive cycle.
DailyOM: How can you tell if you are an emotional addict? How does it show up in your life?
Leah: The easiest way to tell if you are an emotional addict is to recognize the repetitive or familiar feelings that follow us in various relationships or circumstances. Sometimes this happens more in our personal relationships; other times we notice the feelings at our jobs.
We often hear people say they are attracting the same kind of person or dynamic. That would be a signal that there is a habitual pattern within us that needs attention. Similarly, in our friendships or at our jobs, if we continually have difficulty with authority, jealousy, inferiority, or conflict of a repetitive nature, the pattern is often at play.
I have had an emotional addiction to loneliness. There was a deep feeling of loneliness that, although I do not like it, felt like home. That pattern would show up in relationships of all sorts, and the way I perpetuated the cycle was by finding fault in others or keeping certain people at a safe distance. Then when I felt "safe," I didn't experience the pain, but I felt the loneliness. So you can see how we self-perpetuate the cycles and unknowingly create a reality that is feeding the pain, not feeding the healthy connections that we truly desire.
It's uncomfortable to take responsibility for these situations, but we have to look at why we're either inviting in people with traits similar to others who have caused us pain or how we sabotage situations with assumptions, actions, or reactions that come from our own lack of confidence. We do this because we are looking for the confirmation that our limited and false beliefs about ourselves are true.
Unfortunately, these negative beliefs feel so real that we often do not know how to be if we do not have these difficult feelings. That is why I wrote the course, to help people create a new reality for themselves.
DailyOM: Let's say a person is in a relationship with someone who has past traumas or unresolved issues. Would this course be good for them?
Leah: Yes, but this course isn't about understanding the other person; it's about understanding ourselves. The truth is that if we find ourselves in those relationships, we have to look at the parts of us that are unresolved. Those parts of us are seeking a fix or a hit.
Often that looks like seeking validation outside of ourselves, trying to fix others, codependency, guilt, or shame that is resonating with the difficult pattern of the other. It's very easy to just look at the other person and the problems they have or the behavior they bring; it's harder to recognize that relationships serve as a mirror to a point.
DailyOM: How have you laid out this course? What kinds of homework and practices can students expect?
Leah: The course is seven days and laid out in a way to help us understand what emotional addiction is, where it is showing up in our lives, and then offering practical ways that we can care for ourselves to break that habitual cycle. Every day of the course there is a video and text to offer support and the ability to relate to the content.
The homework assignments are reflective and sometimes challenging in the way they ask us to go deeper, beyond the excuses, beyond the rational mind and ego, and into the subconscious and our inner child, so we can actually learn how to make a difference in our own lives.
The course asks us to take a different perspective of our healing and to acknowledge that we are likely contributing to our own unhappiness due to fear of some sort. It's not easy to change, but that is part of life's evolution and our growth and is the most natural part of living. So the practices and homework help us to put into practice the work we are reading or viewing.
DailyOM: What is one of the biggest takeaways you hope students will learn?
Leah: I truly hope the course is transformative for anyone who steps up to the challenge. If that transformation is simply showing up with a curious mind to watch the videos each day, that is superb; I call that a win. It's a brave thing to commit to self-care and healing, and we need to honor where we are and not judge the process or our progress.
For those who are in a place to go a bit deeper, I want the course to help a person bring their focus back to themselves and take a look at the parts that still need attention and find inspiration and truth in the teachings. If we can access our true selves and attach to hope with the possibility of change, that is brilliant and a major part of the healing process. And beyond that, for those who want to take responsibility and finally heal some of their difficult patterns that play out in their lives, my greatest hope is that this course will be a catalyst to freedom.
DailyOM: Thank you, Leah. Healing from emotional addiction is a powerful way to rediscover your true self and purpose. It frees you to go forward with renewed hope and live your life fully. Until next time, be well.
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