DailyOM: Can you tell us about trauma bonds and what they are?
Kelly: Absolutely! A trauma bond is a relationship attachment that develops from a repeated cycle of physical and/or emotional trauma, followed by positive reinforcement. The bond is forged through affection alternating with abuse. Trauma bonds most commonly develop in romantic relationships, although they also can happen with friends, family, and co-workers.
Even when you exit these types of relationships, you still tend to be trauma-bonded to the person. Trauma equals pain. Bond equals attachment. These painful, attached bonds can remain for weeks, months, and even years after the abuse or relationship ends. The attachment continues through emotions of pain, such as anger, hurt, sadness, yearning, and guilt. Trauma bonds can wreak havoc on mental health, self-esteem, and life. It is important for an individual to break trauma bonds and move forward with emotional freedom, self-awareness, and gratitude for the relationship lessons learned.
DailyOM: Is it possible to break a trauma bond?
Kelly: This course addresses exactly how to do that. For the past 20 years, I have specialized in guiding individuals all over the world to heal their trauma. I have facilitated more than 15,000 therapy sessions. Having observed specific behavioral patterns during these sessions, I created my own accredited therapy technique. I train other therapists on this technique and show them how to facilitate trauma transitions for their clients.
Within this course, I'm delighted to showcase specific somatic and cognitive techniques that heal trauma at a deep level. To release past trauma and specifically trauma bonds, a particular process needs to be followed. A healing must commence of the past and present wounding within the mind and body, both cognitively and somatically. Most people do not have the tools to heal their trauma, other than scheduling an appointment with a therapist. In the lessons within the course, I've outlined a simple step-by-step process to heal trauma bonds. You don't have to be a therapist to do the processes. They are practical, straightforward, and applicable steps that anyone can do.
DailyOM: In your course you talk about mother and father wounds, what are they? How do these relate to a trauma bond?
Kelly: It's a great question. Mother and father wounds simply equate to the pain felt by a child due to a lack of love, consistency, safety, nurturance, support, acceptance, encouragement, and provision from their parents. Your mother and father wounds are the pain you experienced due to a lack of "mothering" or a lack of "fathering." All human beings have mother and father wounds to some extent because your parents' parenting style and your childhood experiences were not perfect.
What's fascinating is — your unhealed childhood wounds play out in your relationships. These wounds are mirrored back to you through the partners you subconsciously accept for relationships. Trauma bonds link back to your mother and father wounds when you chose the very person that will reenact the lack or hurt you experienced in the past. Through this course, I show you not only how to break your trauma bond but also how to identify and transition your mother and father wounds, so you do not repeat the same painful relationship patterns.
DailyOM: You mention the mistreatment wound. What is that?
Kelly: As I previously said, trauma bonds are formed due to being in a relationship that has huge highs and lows. Relationships that consist of too much conflict, addictions, emotional unavailability, abuse, cheating, lying, etc. These relationships are unhealthy and dysfunctional at their very core — full of overall mistreatment.
When you live through this relationship pain, it is so easy to focus on your ex-partner in a blame-based way. While your anger is absolutely valid, as I am sure you have experienced some very hurtful incidents, this blame and resentment is not conducive to your healing. It is important to heal your hurt and anger, and have the tools to stop any future mistreatment.
So many people go from relationship to relationship and experience the same toxic dynamics. The mistreatment wound just means subconsciously certain types of abuse and mistreatment feel "family-ar"* to you. They feel "family-ar," due to old and unhealed trauma experienced within your family of origin. When you are "open" to mistreatment and it feels normal subconsciously (due to a similar past experience), you do not have the tools to stop it. By identifying the subconscious "openness" to mistreatment and then closing this wound and learning how to set boundaries, you will be in a space that never accepts abuse or toxicity again.
DailyOM: Tell us how this course unfolds.
Kelly: I'm so excited about the powerful content that I created for this course. We start by understanding what trauma bonds are and how they form. Then, we learn about how your childhood experience created mother and father wounds.
I provide a specific framework for you to:
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