Our vulnerability can help us awaken to our innate kindness, compassion, and tenderness — we can be open to our sadness even though it hurts like crazy. When the pain of the world feels unbearable, and we’re on the edge of breaking down, we touch our vulnerability. That raw, tender, soft spot of our sadness is the seed of our compassion — and of our hearts opening.
This vulnerability is what connects us to our humanity, to our capacity to be with the suffering we feel in our own lives and witness in the lives of other people — whether a neighbor or a stranger on the other side of the world. It’s in this uncertainty that we can awaken to our innate kindness and empathy. We don’t harden ourselves — but stay open even though it hurts like crazy.
We can sit with our emotions, meditate on our sensations, and fully accept what we’re experiencing right this moment. This is how we practice self-compassion and mindfulness. We patiently listen and find the courage to care for ourselves, gently and lovingly. By keeping our hearts open, we can channel our pain into compassionate service.
A Buddhist practice that is helpful during difficult times is the loving-kindness meditation or metta bhavana (Pali). This meditation cultivates our compassion and connection to all beings. On the surface, it’s a simple meditation but can be emotionally powerful, and it's not uncommon to cry (out of joy or sadness).
Here are the basic steps:
- Sit comfortably in a chair or on a cushion with eyes closed. Connect to the natural flow of your breath, allowing yourself to feel at ease.
- Gently bring your attention to your heart (place a hand to your heart area if you like). Begin by offering sincere loving-kindness to yourself. You can create your own phrases or use the ones provided. Allow space between each phrase and repeat as many times as you want: May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be filled with loving-kindness. May I be free of suffering.
- When you’re ready, the next step is to think of someone you care about. This can be a family member, friend, or pet. Picture them in your mind, say their name if you want, and offer the same phrases of loving-kindness: May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be filled with loving-kindness. May you be free of suffering. Let the feelings of gratitude and love expand and radiate out from your heart center — for yourself and for your loved one.
- Now offer the same loving-kindness phrases to someone neutral — perhaps a colleague or cashier at the market. Picture them in your mind and say their name if you want. Let the circle of compassion grow wider.
- When you’re ready, think of someone you have negative feelings towards. Touch your compassion for this person, knowing that this will benefit both of you. This part of the meditation may be challenging, that’s okay. You don’t have to force it. Be patient, you’ll get there with time.
- Lastly, in this ever-expanding circle of loving-kindness, let your compassion radiate to all beings everywhere: May all beings be safe. May all beings be happy. May all beings be filled with loving-kindness. May all beings be free of suffering. You can visualize your compassion as a light radiating out from you in all directions.
- At the end of the meditation, sit as long as you need to or even lie down to rest.
Once you get the hang of the loving-kindness meditation, you can personalize it to whatever you’re dealing with. Some days you might need to focus on doing the meditation just for yourself. Or you might focus on a friend who’s having a hard time. Maybe there’s a larger situation negatively affecting you, and this can be a way through the pain and to your heart. Whatever the challenges you face, this practice is here to support you.
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