MoWorld: Spoiling Our Children

Spoiling Our Children

by Madisyn Taylor

Spoiling our children with new things stems from a feeling of lack in our own childhood.

One of the greatest things about children is that they have the ability to entertain themselves for long periods of time with something as simple as a cardboard box, a container, or a set of measuring spoons. It makes you wonder why we feel the need to buy them so many toys that they won't even have time to play with them all before they grow out of them. Often, if we take the time to question our compulsion to constantly give our children new toys and clothes, and to spoil them with food that is not even good for them, we will find that we are trying to fill up the space to avoid our own difficult feelings and pain. If you feel yourself wanting to spoil your child with material possessions, take a moment and see if you can feel where your motivation is coming from.

We may be inundating our children with things they don't need out of our own desire to create a feeling of abundance that was lacking in our own childhood, or out of a need to feel liked by our children. Both of these motives tend to be unconscious, stemming from unresolved issues from our own upbringing or even our adult life. These unresolved feelings naturally come up when we find ourselves in the role of a parent, often as our child reaches the age we were when these traumas were most pronounced. Spoiling your children will not save you or make your pain disappear, only acknowledging and working on your emotional issues can do that. What our children really need us to provide for them is both a sense of safety and a sense of freedom and love of which there can never be too much. If we are able to do this well, material possessions need not take center stage.

We all want to provide our children with a good and happy life, but most of us know deep down that material possessions play a very small role. We confuse our children when we seek to make them happy through buying them things. When we do this, they take our cue that happiness comes in the form of toys and treats, rather than in the joy of being alive, surrounded by love, and free to explore the world.

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DailyOM Course Spotlight

The Messages We Send Our Children

by Bonnie Compton, APRN, BC, CPNP

You likely still remember hurtful words spoken by your parent, grandparent, neighbor, or teacher. Those words may have been spoken with good intentions, or not. It doesn't matter. One of the most important things that creates a lasting impact is how you choose to speak to your child--and you have a choice each and every day. Beyond the words we choose, children also receive unspoken messages throughout childhood. The first and most important messages come from their parents. Most children internalize these early messages and carry them, consciously and unconsciously, into adulthood. Not all messages are negative or hurtful. Children carry negative messages, but they also carry the positive ones they receive. All of these messages have the power to shape how children see themselves and how they relate to others. As a mother, you have the ability to clarify and alter the messages that you've carried for years--to rewrite history for yourself, your children, and your family. As a result, you'll learn to create healthy positive messages going forward. With this course, you'll learn how to communicate effectively, courageously remain open-hearted, become self-reflective, and choose to rise above the ups and downs of motherhood, and see your children and yourself in a different light. This courageous perspective will enable you to consciously choose what works best for yourself and your children. After all, it's only with courage and confidence that you can focus and reflect on your own way of being a mom - and let go of what no longer serves you or your family.