The following is an excerpt from the "Write Your Way to Forgiveness and Peace" on-line course. If you would like to enroll in the course, click here.
Lesson 1: ANGER: THE HABITUAL RESPONSE
I think of this process as "Thunder n' Writening" and through the series will repeatedly use this phrase. Anger is like thunder; it can be startling, shocking, and shake us to our very bones. The process of writing out all of those things that thunder through us emotionally can help to bring clarity.
Lightning streaks through the sky, and lights up a dark night. While the thunder may frighten us with its' sudden sound, lightning lets us "see" what is happening. Awareness sometimes hits with the suddenness of lightning; at other times knowledge grows slowly and gently into our consciousness. Let us begin.
Feelings make themselves known physically. There are different theories of emotion. While one theory is that there are four basic physical sensations: anger, sadness, joy, and sexual feelings. Other theories include love, surprise, and disgust as major emotions. The important thing is to learn to recognize the different emotions, so you can appropriately respond to them.
We develop habits for how we respond to our feelings. That habit is likely to be based on the template provided to us in our childhood. If you were taught that anger outwardly expressed is harmful, then you may have learned to block it with that thought. That thought, (UH! OH!—I must not let my anger show—it is harmful or nasty) can block the expression of emotion.
Conversely, the toddler who is told , "No! You can't have cookies before dinner," and who feels powerless and needy, may throw himself down to the ground in a full scale temper tantrum. If the parent gives in, then the child learns than anger and screaming will get a person whatever they want. The original feeling of powerlessness is deeply buried. Twenty years later, the boy is now a man who keeps his family hostage to his rages. Early trauma and humiliations may also be masked and emotional bullies are born: "This person is out to hurt me and I will have to show this person not to mess with me" becomes an automatic response of habit.
Any time an emotion is linked with a thought, that thought has the power to compromise its energy. For example, if sex is equated to sin, if joy is thought of as "childishness," or if sadness is linked to the thought of weakness, you may unconsciously block those feelings from your awareness.
Until you begin to notice and use your awareness, you are slave to your thought processes. As you begin to regulate the flow of your awareness of your body and relate it to the people and events in the world, your emotional habits will become more obvious.
Do you try to rationalize your way out of anger? Or perhaps you are a person who tries to ignore it until the angers accumulate, the pressure builds, and suddenly erupts like the lava of a volcano, taking everyone by surprise. People experience anger in many different ways: a turn-on, scary, uncontrollable, repulsive or all-powerful. Anger may be accompanied by nauseousness, burning or heated sensations, tightness in the neck, head shoulders, headache and constricted breathing. In terms of behavior, people respond with a variety of different behaviors; they may become controlling, sarcastic, attacking, aloof or robotically rational.
WRITING EXERCISE:
For this exercise, DON'T ANALYZE YOUR FEELINGS. SIMPLY OBSERVE THEM AND THEIR EFFECT ON YOUR BODY! My suggestion is to start an Anger Journal. For daily tracking, a small pocket notebook you can carry with you at all times is ideal. Recording a blip on your screen of anger will only take two minutes. Just take note of the date, triggering situation or comment, and effects of anger on the body. Pay particular attention to breathing.
Include your Anger Level (1-10 with 10 being the most angry and 1 being slightly irritated.) A journal entry should have 5 columns, labeled: DATE, ANGER LEVEL, FEELING, THOUGHT, BODY SENSATION. You may choose to set this up in a spread sheet for your own convenience. See samples of possible entries under each column.
5/07/12_____ 4___ Rejected___ "He treats me like dirt"____ Nausea
Awareness is key to learning. I suggest two notebooks for your work. An Anger Journal can be used for your daily writings; get into the habit of putting aside fifteen minutes a day for mental clearing. Side note: We don't think twice about taking out the garbage, but we let a lot of garbage accumulate mentally. Take out the garbage by spending a few minutes a day on "the write path." In addition, a small notebook that fits into your pocket is ideal for tracking your moods and jotting down quick notes as you go about your day. Record any blips or irritation, annoyance, or anger that appear on the radar screen of your consciousness. Reserve fifteen minutes every day to review your notes and write reflectively in your larger paged journal. Use your mini-notebook for seeds of thought that can be expanded in your journal later. Develop your own writing practice and let your journal accompany you like a good friend. Remember: AWARENESS OPENS THE DOOR TO FREEDOM OF CHOICE. No doubt! you have tried other methods to master anger. Now try the "write" path.
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