Emily: Yvonne, thank you so much for joining us today. Why does dating often feel so confusing, exhausting, and often painful, and how can your course help us find a more joyful experience?
Yvonne: Your question, Emily, speaks to the reality of dating in our current culture. The pain and exhaustion come from internalizing a false idea: that we're not enough, and that we must hide who we really are to find love. We're often led to believe we should pretend to be people we're not, or focus solely on external appearance and worldly success, which emboldens the ego and weakens the soul. We end up dating with a scarcity mindset, repeatedly seeing the wrong people, and wearing masks out of fear of rejection or fear of being alone.
My course is the alternative to this painful cycle, offering a fresh and empowering entry into the experience. Conscious dating is about turning inward and becoming deeply curious about who you are, what really motivates you, and what your soul most deeply desires. It's a practice where we agree that we're enough and that suffering is optional.
By connecting with your innermost self and embracing vulnerability, you move from an ego-centered standpoint to a heart-centered one, learning to act from your values rather than fear. Through this work, dating is transformed from a game or a chore into a joyful adventure of deeply knowing and loving yourself and others, making rejection a source of growth and the pursuit of love fulfilling in itself.
Emily: Is this course just for people who are in the dating world, or can this also help those already in a relationship?
Yvonne: I've designed this course so it can absolutely help those already in a relationship. Consciousness practices like vulnerability, listening, and journaling nurture intimacy in all stages. There is never a bad time to integrate these practices into a relationship.
Emily: Why is it so important that we approach dating (or relationships) in this more vulnerable and heart-centered way?
Yvonne: When we approach dating this way, we create space to build real intimacy. We can't break the patterns caused by trauma, cultural conditioning, or family of origin without opening ourselves up and naming our feelings. For many, this can be a painful process that takes time. It's not easy to step into your heart, but when you do, you find enormous freedom to love yourself for who you are and love others for who they are. This is real intimacy.
Emily: So many people walk around not wanting to be hurt. Walls get built to avoid the pain — and our authentic self is hidden once again. How do you respond to this — what's the answer?
Yvonne: Dating can be painful. It's important not to sweep this pain under the rug or pretend it isn't there. If you've been hurt, allow yourself to feel, process, and name that hurt. It is healing to honor the truth of the pain and disappointment we've experienced in dating. However, we cannot live in the pain. It is real, but it isn't the full story. When we date consciously, we don't allow it to prevent us from growing and beginning anew. Walls may feel like protection, but they only contain us and keep vulnerability, love, and connection from reaching us.
It is natural to want to avoid the possibility of hurt, but if we don't take the risk, we lose the possibility of love as well. This applies not only to romantic love but also to self-love. We have to risk being hurt in order to live in open-heartedness.
Emily: You talk about the "ego-mask" that people wear when they are dating. Why do people do this, and what can they do to present their authentic self to a potential partner?
Yvonne: We live in a culture in which dating is considered a game, and built into the idea of a game is winning. We think that to win the game, we cannot show any weakness or insecurity, and so we offer altered and false versions of ourselves, believing this will give us an advantage. But hiding in this way attracts the wrong partners who are also trying to win the game. Each is drawn in, not by a real human being, but by a performance.
In order to present our authentic selves, we must first connect with our authentic selves. This requires going within and tending to unresolved pain — to all the dusty places we may prefer to ignore. We need to ask ourselves questions like: What motivates my hopes for a relationship? Am I afraid to be alone? What does my soul yearn for? This work requires courage, but through it, we learn the beauty and power of standing in our vulnerability.
Emily: Walk us through the journey of your course.
Yvonne: This course begins with individual work. Before we can begin dating consciously, we must take a gentle yet deep dive into ourselves. The more deeply you can connect with yourself, the more consciously you can date. This includes looking at your life, history, motivations, values, and goals. You have to be real with yourself about the roles you've played in your past dating experiences and where your soul is in the present moment.
Then the course shows you how to navigate the early logistics of dating in a conscious way. This includes practical tools for finding compatible individuals to date, approaching first impressions, discerning red flags, reaching out after the first date, and fostering conscious listening and conversational skills. All of this work is supported by journaling and meditation exercises. The final part of the course focuses on the complex challenges that we may face while dating. Dealing with anxiety, losing interest, processing rejection, handling the realities of children and geography, navigating the first conflict, knowing when to let go — these challenges can all be approached in a conscious and productive way, no matter the outcome.
Emily: For those who've had a tough time with dating, what words of wisdom or comfort do you have for them?
Yvonne: First, you're not alone. So many of us have had negative experiences while dating, and considering the state of the dating "scene" today, this is not surprising. The whole endeavor can end up feeling false, confusing, and without meaning. Many people give up dating altogether. Dating may never be easy, but it doesn't have to be painful. Conscious dating won't remove the butterflies that come with meeting someone new, but it is a fresh, empowering entry into the experience.
When you know who you are and you understand your motivations and accept yourself as you are, you give others the freedom to do the same. If a relationship doesn't work out, it's not failure — it's flowering. So the best advice I can give is to open your heart to the possibility of a different experience, one that is challenging but expansive and one that softens your heart instead of braces it.
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