by Junie Swadron

The following is an excerpt from the "Rewrite Your Life" on-line course. If you would like to enroll in the course, click here.

All of us have a final straw, a breaking point, a time when we say enough is enough! The final straw is a tipping point that unalterably changes our direction, so that despite our reluctance, we're willing to move forward to change the situation in which we find ourselves.

MY FINAL STRAW:
The final straw, the catalyst for me to change my life was when I found myself in a hospital psychiatric ward for the umpteenth time, getting well, going back to my world yet terrified inside that it would happen again. I couldn't bear the thought of that. I had to do whatever it took to prevent that from happening ever again. I had been diagnosed with bi-polar illness when I was 20. Now I was 49.

At the time of my decision, I had come home after another clinical depression and was about to go back to work. I knew I could because I was feeling healthy again, yet there was a voice deep inside me that shook me to the core - saying, "Junie, it's time to come out of shame and hiding. It's time to tell your story out loud - not just for the healing that it will do for you, but to help others to feel safe to tell their stories - and to bring consciousness around mental illness - join the conversation to end the stigma."

I fought that inner prompting for a long time but it wouldn't go away. I knew it was what I needed to reclaim my life and make it more than about my illness. It was a combination of therapy and a writing process that birthed my play to dispel myths and stigmas about mental illness. I called it "Madness, Masks and Miracles". It was about the madness, or the dark night of the soul, that we all go through as we take our human walk on earth; the masks we wear to hide the madness so no-one will see the pain we are in, lest we be ostracized, criticized or marginalized; and the miracles that let us take off the masks and be our true selves.

The play not only liberated me, it liberated countless others as well to take off their masks and tell their stories, whether they were a person with a lived experience of mental illness or their caregiver. When I look back, I see how my mental health challenges have become one of my greatest gifts. It taught me that I was stronger than I ever thought I could be and that I am resilient, funny, alive, competent and a strong voice and advocate for mental health.

Years ago, had someone told me that bi-polar illness would one day become a gift, I wouldn't have believed them, just like you may not believe that whatever has brought you to your final straw will one day be a gift for you. But if you stay the course, you will find out that it is.

YOUR TURN :) WHAT WAS YOUR FINAL STRAW? WHAT LED YOU HERE?
Write the story that brought you to this decision. Write it and acknowledge your pain, fear, disappointment, grief...whatever is true for you. And also make sure you acknowledge yourself for saying Yes! For your courage to move beyond your current life situation. You have chosen to take the high road - no longer a prisoner to the pain of your past.