There is sage wisdom that has been passed down through the ages that reminds us to pay attention to what’s happening within us when we’re in the presence of another person. Do we become more ourselves — or do we begin to disappear?
Some relationships don’t announce their harm with a great crash. They diminish us by degrees. We laugh a little less freely. We swallow the words we once would have spoken. We learn which subjects to avoid and which parts of ourselves are easier to tuck away. Deep inside, our body holds the tension. Maybe headaches begin to appear. Our stomach turns in knots. Or we suddenly find ourselves feeling anxious when we hear footsteps in the hallway, see a name appear on our phone, or notice a change in someone’s voice.
Perhaps this is one way we begin to discern which relationships are truly good for us. Healthy dynamics don’t require us to abandon ourselves in order to feel loved, accepted, or understood. There is room to breathe. Room to speak. Room to be imperfect, messy, uncertain, and all the wonderfully complex things that make us human. And sometimes healing begins with noticing which people nourish us — and which ones drain our energy, vitality, and happiness.
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